Disclaimer: DO NOT just read the first part of this blog and stop. Because, I promise you… it gets better.
This is an extremely interesting time in my life. I’ve never felt more alone, hurt, tired, and depressed. There’s never been a moment in my life in which I’ve felt more hopeless. There’s never been a time in my life when I’ve felt pain like this. Pain that’s not the most intense pain I’ve ever felt. But, it is the most enduring. I’ve never hated my life more…
I came back to the United States from the Peace Corps ready to take America by storm. I got a job immediately and then got a better paying job shortly after. I moved out of my parents house and began to live life independently and free. I was ready to grow up and be the man I’ve always figured I would be.
Then, I lost my job. I move out and immediately lose the great paying job that was affording me all of the luxuries I was experiencing. I had an expendable income and was easily paying my bills and though money was tight due to debt, I was doing well enough. I was happy. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I hated all of the work I had to do at my job. And, I wasn’t even especially fond of the job, but… I was making it. And, I was doing it on my own and since this is apparently a cliché day- I did it MY way.
But, crap happens. I was optimistic and hopeful. I was afraid because I didn’t know where my next paycheck was going to come from, but I felt like this was my opportunity to evolve. I immediately found another job, but unbeknownst to me it was only part-time. I searched and searched (and am still searching) for a new job. A job that either paid me full-time or at least made the ends meet. This hasn’t happened yet. So, now I sell my body for money.
Yeah, living under the poverty line is a strange feeling…
Oh… but also, my family dog died. It’s just a dog, right? No, no she was not. We all cried. We bawled. My family hurt a lot, it was like losing a sibling and in fact… it WAS losing a sibling. I loved that dog as if she were my actual sister. I know that sounds strange, but it’s true.
And then, to top it all off. Something happened that I’m going to be vague about just to respect those involved that aren’t me…
I had a very traumatic experience that has a lot to do with my parents, both of whom I love very much. I really do, but it does not mean that I am feeling great about what’s happening.
TL;DR – I graduated college and joined the Peace Corps just to come back to be penniless and broken due to life happenings.
I’ve never been happier! I’ve never felt more alive! I’ve never grown as much (other than the PC, but that was a different type of growth)! I’ve never had more opportunities or more friends or more support! There’s never been a time in my life in which I’ve felt stronger. There’s never been a time in my life in which I’ve felt so much optimism! I’ve never loved my life more.
It’s true! Losing a lot humbles you. I could roll over and just feel bad for myself. Or, I can realize that things always get better and that this experience is just making me stronger, more diverse, more creative, and a helluva lot more appreciative of what I have!
Due to the nature of my employment, I’ve had to learn how to make money all sorts of ways. This has led me to writing hotel reviews, dog sitting, tutoring a woman from Saudi Arabia, and acting in TV advertisements to name a few. These are things I would have NEVER had the opportunity to do with my formal normal full time job. I am becoming a MUCH more well-rounded human being. I have also had the opportunity to sharpen other skills. I have been writing more (albeit not here, which I’m trying to remedy), I have been making more music, and I have been exercising more.
Not only that, but I have more friends than I have ever had ever. And that’s not even counting my loving and lasting Peace Corps relationships! I have reconnected with friends I’ve gone to school with, I’ve found friends at work, I’ve met new people through pursuing my passions and hobbies, etc… I am finding out that I am surprisingly a people person.
It’s not that I didn’t have friends before, but maybe I’m just really appreciating them more now than I ever have.
ALSO I’m acting, writing, and doing comedy on a weekly basis! One of my greatest passions is entertainment. Oh, I love writing and being behind the scenes, but I also love acting and comedy as well. And, I have become part of an AMAZING improv team! (Yes, it’s a facebook link, but PLEASE log in and “like” us!) And, not only are they an extremely talented group of individuals that stretch me and force me to grow; but, they are just awesome people in general.
And really looking at how terrible and how awesome my life is, I’ve started to learn that… Well, you know what.
I’ve been listening a lot to Macklemore. And I think he says it best,
“This (life) is what you make of it, yeah we play to win. Live it like we’re under the lights of the stadium. Fight until the day that God decides to wave us in.”
So if you’re also going through a tough time in your life…
Fight. Always ALWAYS fight. You only lose by giving up, ok? If you remember that, I promise to try to remember that too.
– Brandon Holly –