When You Don’t Know…

What happens then? What happens when you just don’t know?

It’s hard because it feels like there are several similar, but very different people inside of you and no matter what you choose. No matter what direction/path you take the other sides of you are going to be very upset and you know that you’ll spend your life wondering, “What if…”

I’m mostly a Mikey kinda guy, but sometimes I’m Raph and, etc….

You fret and think and fret and think and your stomach gets sick and you feel like SOMEDAY the correct answer will just randomly jump out at you. You feel as if the right decision is JUST outta reach. Just a little bit more deliberation will be necessary before you can ultimately pin it down.

However, you and I both know that’s not true. What will eventually happen is this… crunch time will come and you will HAVE to make a decision. You won’t have the choice not to choose and you’ll impulsively pick one thing over this other thing and…

Not sure if I made the worst best decision of my life or the best worst decision of my life…

I feel my life rapidly approaching that point. If you were to ask what I meant exactly, I couldn’t tell you. It’s just this deep-rooted fear that I will soon have to make a decision that will alter my life in a major way. And, that this decision will have no reset button and that I will have to live with the consequences forever.

I also realize that no matter WHAT I choose, I’ll be left wanting.

This fear is nearly crippling, but there’s nothing I can do about it! Especially because 1.) I don’t even know exactly what this decision will be and 2.) Catch-22s suck.

No… not THAT Catch-22. That one is amazing!

Much Love,

– Brandon Holly –


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