Life, Philosophy

What If I Died?

February 7th at around 10:30pm I had a very bad asthma attack or an allergic reaction to something. The attack started as a no stranger than normal asthma attack. I have asthma but this quickly became something much worse. There was a wheezing that did not sound like my normal asthmatic attack wheezing and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. Like, at all. 

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Oxygen come to me!!!

I rushed to my father’s room and banged on the door. As I am gasping for air and feeling like I’m suffocating, I rasp, “I can’t breathe! Something’s really wrong!” My dad quickly realizes the gravity of the situation and rushes around to get things together and I stumble into the passenger seat of his Toyota FJ.

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Toyota FJ... I owe my life to you.

That’s the last thing I remember until… February 8th 11am. I wake up to find a tube down my throat, two IVs in my body, and my dad near me. I look at the time and think, “Crap! I’m late for work!” Yep, my first thoughts were about work.

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If that doesn't warrant employee of the month, I don't know what does.

I’ll spare you the details of how I apparently passed out.

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However, unlike this guy, I didn't wake up hungover.

I’ll also spare you the details of how apparently when people really pass out… they evacuate their bowels and bladder.

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Also, still had a better morning after than this guy.

And… I suppose I’ll ALSO spare you the details of how when people pass out and soil themselves… Sometimes they die.

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Sh** just got real.

That night, had my father not been home. If I was living alone. If there wasn’t an available car to use. I would have died. No question. I almost died in the hospital. I had the eyes rolling to the back of my head, convulsions, and all. My soul was preparing to leave my body forever. I do want to mention that my heart never stopped beating. My body just wasn’t getting any oxygen and a brain can’t survive long without that. 

DISCLAIMER: I may be getting details slightly wrong. It’s strange going through all of this without (consciously) going through it all. 

After I wake up and finally understand that I can’t just walk out and leave. I stay in the hospital for 4 days getting sodium chloride pumped into my bloodstream and having my vitals checked.

Being oh so close to death is a very surreal experience. The past few days have been a very strange blur. I feel different. I feel more fragile. However, I feel very alive and grateful. Seeing as just one detail being changed would have resulted in me not being conscious on this plane of existence any longer; I feel like I’m alive on purpose. I know that’s a bit pompous and self-important sounding. However, it’s just how I feel at the moment. 

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How it feels to get out of the hospital...

I have always had a drive to make the world a better place and to try to be the best person I can be. Well, almost dying made me wonder, “If I died that night, have I done the best I can do up to that point?” I don’t want to have to ask that question. I want to always know that the answer is YES. I want to be strong and happy and healthy and I want the world to become that way too. 

Achieving my goals just became a LOT more important. Don’t forget to work towards yours as well, ok?

Much Love,

– Brandon Holly –

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