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It Hurts.

It’s been awhile hasn’t it?

I’m sorry.

And now, that I finally post again it’s not the silly fun posts I am known for.

I am in immense pain.

Ugh...

This pain is both physical and emotional.

My time here in The Philippines is winding down. In roughly 5 months (just 5 months??) I will no longer be able to honestly call myself a Peace Corps Volunteer.

More like, "See ya' later"

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next. I am unsure of myself. I am scared.

And on top of all of my insecurity several things happened to me all at once.

First, my wallet got stolen.

Damn.

Not a lot was in it, but getting your wallet stolen sucks. That wallet actually meant a lot to me. It represented a very special time in my life. It also contained a lot of random things that would mean nothing to any person other than me.

The funny thing is, I didn’t even get mad. The emotion I felt and quite honestly still feel is more akin to getting your feelings hurt. I’ve been here for nearly 2 years and even though a lot of people have gotten their things stolen or lost I made it almost to the end without anything like that happening to me.

I know this isn’t a fair assessment of the situation, but it kind of feels like this.

Me: Hey, Philippines/PeaceCorpsExperience I gave you two years of service. You now have two years of my life. With which I worked with you, played with you, ate with you, slept with you, and even cried with you… and THIS is how you repay me?

Unfair

Once again, I know that’s not the reality it’s just how I feel.

On top of the wallet being stolen I very recently had to deal with a personal issue and because it involves another human being that I care about immensely I will not relay it here. Just know that it was emotionally taxing and that sometimes not knowing is the hardest part.

Last but not least, I just had a terrible asthma attack last night. I went to the hospital and didn’t leave until 7 in the morning.

"Who's gonna watch you die?" - Ben Gibbard

I wasn’t near dying, but it was definitely one of the worst asthma attacks I’ve ever had.

Life is very difficult. Why must we feel so deeply? What purpose do all of these emotions serve? So many choices.

Life provides us with so many joys.

But it also provides us with so many pains.

My tears are blurring my vision. I suppose I will stop writing now.

Sorry about this short depressing post.

I’ll be ok.

Truth.

Much Love,

– Brandon Holly –

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5 thoughts on “It Hurts.

  1. Aggie Degener says:

    p.s. I had my wallet stolen a few months ago and I know that “getting your feelings hurt” feeling. With time, that will pass…

  2. Lance says:

    Hey man! Sorry to hear a lot of shit went down at the same time. I hope things start looking up for you soon! I know you’ll soldier on and look forward to seeing you when you get back. It will go by fast and before you know it, you’ll be back home. Promise!

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