I’ve been feeling quite lonely lately. Probably a side-effect of being depressed. However, I am a funny kind of depressed. I have ADD and a moderately bad temper*. Meaning my emotions end up looking something like this: (click for a ridiculously large version)
1.) Yay! It’s a new day! (2.) But, oh yeah . . . my dog’s dead (3.) But everything will be ok! (4.) Why is everyone staring at me? And did I leave my keys on the table? (5.) Ya’ know what? It’s all good. (6.) WHY IS EVERYONE TALKING SO LOUD! (7.) Listen all of you, I’m just gonna go home and nobody gets hurt (8.) Time to unlock my doo- I forgot the damn keys!**
I’m really not the type of person to stay in any one emotional state for very long. That’s why even though I have been down lately, I am still a pretty functional human being. Though, not without coping mechanisms.
One of the ways I cope is blogging and the internet. At times I’m bad at remembering to update, but if I’m feeling down I tend to spend a LOT of time using the internet. It’s a good distraction. But I end up looking like this:
This is not good, especially because it can get very expensive to be on the internet here in The Phillies.
A lot of people cope by drinking. I’m not really the type to drown his sorrows, but that’s not to say I didn’t give it a shot . . . or 2. The day before yesterday proved to be quite upsetting. If you haven’t noticed, I like to think. I thought, “I know something a lot of people do when they’re hurting. They drink!”*** I got a bottle of Tanduay and said, “It’s me and you tonight, baby.”
The next day, I realized that passing out cold at 5:30 in the afternoon really isn’t my thing. Especially because by “the next day” I mean I woke up at 3am with a horrible crick in my neck. Mostly likely because I probably fell asleep looking a lot like this guy:
And what is there to do at 3am in The Phillies? Nothing. The fisherman aren’t even up yet! Thus, I tried to force myself back to sleep for the last couple of hours before my normally scheduled wake up time.
But lately, the way I have been coping has been by not putting my all into my job. I think making this public will help motivate me to change. It’s not that I haven’t been doing my work or anything. I take care of my responsibilities, but I definitely haven’t been putting my heart into it. Which, in a way, might be worse. It means that I am lying.
Well, I don’t want to lie anymore. I want to be genuinely invested in the lives of my students again. I want to be sincerely friendly with my co-workers again. I want to be the person I know I am. The guy I usually am, the guy I know I can be again.
He’s just hiding. He has good reason to hide, but he can’t hide forever.
Don’t worry I’m forcing him out somehow. This usually does the trick.
That’s right, and don’t be afraid to show her your “sexy face”
– Brandon Holly –
*I say I have a bad temper. I don’t actually get angry very easily, but I do get annoyed easily.
**As long as (1.) and (8.) stay the same you can mix the text of pictures 2-7 to varying degrees of amusement. The sad part is, depending on the day, they are all for the most part accurate regardless of the picture.
***Thinking doesn’t generally lead me astray, but in the right frame of mind it can lead me down sad sad roads.
UPDATE: How did this (NSFW-Depending on where you work, I guess) lead people to my site? Not once, but twice!