peace corps

Fear

“. . . [A]lways do what you are afraid to do” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I found that quote by searching for “fear quotes”, but I could not find its origins. If anyone has any idea where that quote was said or where it was written I would love to know.

Lately, I have been troubled by incomprehensible fits of fear. I will suddenly feel very afraid, but for no particular reason. There does not have to be any trigger. My mind will then shift to all of the things that are troubling me.

Something that is troubling me at the moment is seeing a couple of people in my life. They deserve to see me before I leave for 2 years, but I just feel strange around them. Unless I chicken out, I will go see them later today. I feel particularly motivated, however. That quote was very inspirational. Also, I watched the movie Coraline.

Coraline is a very curious and adventurous young girl. The reason this movie was good for me at this particular time in my life (the book was way better) is because she faces her fears. She is a very determined person and it helped me to realize that I need to become more determined myself. Yes, it is technically a children’s book, but I dare ANYONE to read it and not be entertained. Neil Gaiman (His name is pronounced GayMen not GuyMen, I know, but just pronounce it correctly) is a very talented author and I am very fortunate to have heard him speak. I even have an autographed paperback copy of American Gods to prove that I have shared his airspace.

Anyway, I would rather not sound like a fan boy, so I will move along.

I bought some clothes in preparation for my journey. Several socks, boxers, a pair of jeans, and two pairs of nice pants. That and what I already have should suffice. I’m thinking of buying a multi-tool, but maybe not.

I’ve looked at a lot of Peace Corps packing lists and they seem like a bit much. I like to start from scratch. Also, I hate it when people mention Chacos. Don’t ask me why. I guess sometimes consumerism that sounds like religious fundamentalism freaks me out a little. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they’re great . . . in fact, I KNOW they are. Nonetheless, proponents of Chacos get a little too excited about them for my taste.

I’m getting less afraid and more excited for my next adventure! I’m afraid this bug will stay with me forever and keep me from being a stable human being in the future. Then again, maybe that will make me more interesting. Like the guy who lives in a cave in eastern Utah.

It is interesting when things that scare you become things you cannot wait for!

I came up with this theory (it’s probably not new) that inside of everyone is a Warrior and a Philosopher. The Warrior is the side of us that likes physical things: working out, exercising, running, jumping, having sex, and so on. The Philosopher likes mental things: writing, painting, reading, drawing, doing puzzles, etc.

I have decided that life is a balance of these two people. People who forget about their inner Philosopher tend to spend time doing, but with no regard to consequences or benefits. Think stereotypical jock. People who forget about their inner Warrior spend a lot of time imagining, but with no drive to actually do. Think stereotypical geek.

However, if you can somehow use your inner Philosopher (geek) to think creatively and use your inner Warrior (jock) to dive in and get dirty. There is no telling where your adventures will take you! Right?

Oh well, maybe it’s a dumb theory.

I suppose at this point I am rambling and I am sorry.

Conquer some great fear today! If all goes according to plan I will!

Much Love,

– Brandon Holly –

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