First, let me write about coming back to America. My first entry into America was through Hawaii. I went with my good friend Sam West. She wants to go to school to get her Masters in Social Work and she should because she’s darn good at what she does! She wants to go to UH (University of Hawaii) to do this. I just used the trip as an excuse to go to Hawaii, I honestly had no business being there. I had NO reason to go…

Well... maybe I had ONE reason.

But, I did and it was amazing. Hawaiians are some of the coolest people in the world. I’d totally move there if it wasn’t so far from the mainland. It was a great transition too. It was definitely the United States; however, it was very Asian and unique. Hell, in a bathroom in Wal-Mart the two janitors were speaking Tagalog to each other! (They said nothing very interesting, but still…) Another reason it was amazing is because I got to couchsurf for the first time!

Not quite...

Sam and I met two very interesting folks and they helped us get around and I had a blast. I’d just couchsurf for the rest of my life if I could. However, I’d also like to have a wife and kids and a home someday. Darn.

Anyway, I left my vacation dreamland and am now here in the mainland U.S. You (as an ex-pat) read all of the reverse culture shock literature and you may nod your head and roll your eyes. However, it’s real. And… it stinks! I was very surprised to find myself not adjusting well to attitudes and some random cultural things over here! Hawaiians were pretty nice it seemed, but as soon as I hit the mainland everyone was rude and jaded and I felt quite small (physically AND figuratively).

I find myself annoyed and worried most of the time. I constantly have a sense of needing to hurry up and rush. However, there is nothing that needs my immediate concern. I find myself with a lack of purpose. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life right now. I mean, I’m not passionless or without goals. However, I feel very powerless and unfocused. I find myself not understanding. You might ask what I’m not understanding. However, I don’t know. I just find myself laying, sitting, talking, and suddenly wondering why nothing makes sense.

"Good luck exploring the infinite abyss"

Apparently, there is a name for what I’m going through. I mean, yes I AM a returned expatriate trying to readjust. However, I am also a twenty-something kid. Yes, I am going through my quarter-life crisis.

I know Darnell, I too took it hard when I found out there was more to beer than PBR.

So, in addition to being confused because I just left the Peace Corps after two years of that being my entire life and adjusting to a “new” culture; I’m in transition just because I’m in “that time” of life.

*sigh*

Well, despite my struggles. I am optimistic (as always) and I still see the future as something fun and exciting. Where will my life go now? That’s a taxing state to be in, but it’s also exhilarating. My life can go wherever I would like it to go. And knowing I’m not alone feels pretty good too.

So, whether you’re 10 or 110… our lives are whatever we make of them. Let’s do work! And like Lupe says,”Yeah, I got flaws; I know I’m not perfect. But, all ups and downs will soon be worth it… when I get there”

Here's to a new beginning...

Much Love,

- Brandon Holly -

I was texting with a friend here in The Phillies and we realized that Nick has really done a lot to change the world. Well… at least 90s Nickelodeon cartoons. Nickelodeon was totally preparing us for a world filled with people who were different from us!

1.) Doug

Was Doug really a hipster past his prime? V-Neck Sweater vest, skinny limbs with a potbelly, a writer, still living with his parents.... Lay off the PBR, Funnie or nobody will believe you're eleven

First of all, everyone in Doug’s universe (except Doug) is some strange color. His best friend is blue, his enemy is green, his crush is orange, and his family is varied enough for me to wonder if either Doug and his sister are adopted… or if something funny was happening in the Funnie home.

Umm... probably not.

Anyway, as you can see Doug’s world is diverse and the diversity is what makes it fun! Doug taught us that it’s ok to be a pre-maturely bald 11-year old with little to no social skills who lives in a world that seems to be some kind of U.N. thought experiment gone awry.

Biggest Lesson: When life becomes too much to process… just withdraw from it and write and draw pictures and talk to your dog. Why? Because let’s face it, being the only white person left in this world… has driven you crazy.

Even the authorities... are minorities...

2.) Aaahh!! Real Monsters

Aaahh!!! A disembodied screaming mouth!

I’m not going to blatantly say what was going on here, but let’s just review the evidence shall we? First of all, we have creatures who despite having no outwardly visible genitalia, seem to have sexes and (loose, but we’ll get to that later) gender roles. The girls have higher voices, long eyelashes, big lips and they gossip. The boys tend to be boxier and less ornate and are… well, boyish.

Now, all the monsters live in a boarding school ruled by a headmaster who’s named The Gromble. He’s everyhing you’d expect from a scary monster. A masculine deep grumble-y voice, he’s abusive, mean, loud, brash, and… wait, is he wearing a red pump on each of his feet?

Yes... You ARE the bell of the ball!

Interesting…

When they need to meet up or travel they use bathroom stalls and toilets,

And they are HAPPY about it!

they have an underground “sub-culture” of sorts and they scare adults and children mostly out of sport. Scaring is apparently not an inherent thing seeing as they have to go to school for it. The adults and older kids in the world always seem somehow deserving of the scaring, however. Though, when someone does end up getting through to the monsters… it’s a kid.

A kid just like you

In fact, every time someone ends up really understanding them or liking them it’s a kid. A kid who hasn’t been conditioned by the adults to be afraid of the “monsters” and yes I put quotation marks around monsters; because, let’s face it, they’re just like you and me.

There are a few “crazy” humans throughout the show that want to “out” the monsters and they make it their business to interfere with their (the monsters) lives. When really, all the monsters want is to be left alone.

But… honestly, in a world in which monsters are real… Aren’t the monster hunters actually highly aware and intuitive people? Aren’t they the ones to whom people should actually be paying attention? Honestly, it seems like the rest of the world is either, unobservant, completely in denial, or batsh*^& insane!

But seriously? Let’s think about The Gromble again…

Sorry Dumbledore! Snick did it first...

Biggest Lesson: There are beings that exist in our world that may SEEM different and may even scare us, but in the end. They’re no different than you or I… Well, other than being terrifying sub-humans. But we can totally co-exist! Wait… was this a bad example?

3.) Rocko’s Modern Life

By far the biggest offender. The show that really tried to get 90s kids to become accepting human beings was this.

The main character is an Australian Wallaby (read: foreigner) yet us American kids learn to relate to him. His best friends are a socially awkward (Jewish?) turtle who gets the hottest lady in town

Well... er... I mean RELATIVELY SPEAKING she's hot.

and a cow (steer) named Heffer who still lives with his parents, who are wolves.

His neighbors are two toads. The male is constantly angry and is a desk-jockey for the biggest corporation in town. Though, I think I’d be angry too if my slacker neighbor was somehow making the same amount of money as me. Let’s face it, Rocko works as a cashier at a comic book store! Well, and apparently as a phone sex operator.

Be Hot. Be Naughty. Be Courteous... oh baby oh baby oh baby...

Anyway, the wife is a nymphomaniac. Let’s not forget the sex-tape episode AND the episode where she attempts to seduce Rocko.

???

On top of all of this craziness, we have two Swedish entrepreneurial chameleons, an over-bearing boss (who always picks his nose), and a real life superhero who has extremely elastic nipples that are somehow clairvoyant.

This was my childhood, folks.

But then ish get’s real! The socially awkward, weak, fragile Norbert gets more action than anyone on the show (his girlfriend is a cat… and this show was for KIDS??) (2.) He is compelled to (at the age of 21) go to an orgy island and he (3) even father’s children with this highly successful hot kitty! It’s a cartoon, so we’ll forgive the interspecies mating thing (is this subtle support for interracial marriage?), but then… Norbert lays eggs! He’s a SHE! But THEN, it gets worse. Not only is Norbert a chick, but at some point he was cuckolded by one of his best friends!

I'm not EXACTLY sure how egg-laying works, but sitting on an egg doesn't mean one of the chicks will look like you.

Now, that movie with Ryan Reynolds taught us it’s totally cool to raise your best friend’s kid. Er… *spoiler alert*

Say what?

But THEN it gets even MORE disturbing because, let’s look at that baby picture again. The baby cow has NORBERT’S EYES!!! That’s right, Norbert cheated on his wife with Heffer! But that’s strange because Heffer’s sex is in question as well. His name sounds like heife, I’m pretty sure it’s implied that he has udders, and he’s not like the rest of his family. Try as he might to be “normal” he’s not. However, his family accepts him anyway. Which is nice.

This nipple obsessed overtly sexual show was indoctrinating us.

That’s why my generation is so open to gay marriage and is especially sensitive to LGBT rights!

Biggest Lesson: The world is a crazy place filled with sexually and gender diverse people, some of whom may be your best friends. Learn to love it and them because it’s all you have. Also… a lot of people are crazy.

Nick, you were subtly creepy, but I thank you. It’s my belief that close-minded people in my generation were either very sheltered, naive or… simply didn’t have cable.

Haha.

Much Love,

- Brandon Holly -

FYI… if you’re a PCV this will all be pretty boring. Also… even if you’re not. (I’ll see if I can’t spice it up with some picture captions though)

Description of Peace Corps Service
Name: Brandon Holly
Country and Dates of Service: Philippines August 2009 – November 2011

After thoroughly completing the extensive and competitive application process wherein the applicant was compelled to stress her/his skills, adaptability, and cross-cultural sensitivity, Brandon Holly began his Peace Corps training. His training began on August 22nd, 2009 in The Philippines and he completed a twelve week PST (Pre-Service Training) program. The PST program consisted of 176 hours of Tagalog language , 170 hours of hands-on technical training (working closely with teachers and education administrators), and 35 hours of culture training (history, economy, and cultural norms). In addition to all of this, he also lived with a Filipino host family and received 73 hours of Health and Safety training.

I always feel like opening paragraphs like these make me sound like a tool. But... it could be worse.

Brandon Holly was sworn in as an official PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer) November 13th, 2009. During his first year of service as an Education Volunteer (Teacher of English language fluency) he was assigned to Jose J. Leido Jr. Memorial National High School (LEMNAHIS) serving under the school’s Principal, Dr. Donato G. Bueno. There, he was an active member of the English department staff. The school is located in Calapan City, Oriental Mindoro which is a rapidly developing city and LEMNAHIS accommodates over 6,00 students from the city and outlying farming and fishing barangays, aged roughly between the ages of 12-16 years old. At LEMNAHIS, Mr. Holly planned and co-taught with three Filipino counterparts in each High School grade level, excluding first year students. He produced many varied cost-effective visual aids and introduced several educational activities and strategies that required little to no resources. His classes held anywhere from 20-65 students.

*sigh* I'm going to miss teaching my little droogs (attention: this is neither me nor my droogs)

Mr. Holly, during the summer of his first year, became very involved in teacher trainings and cross-sector work all across the country. These included (but are not limited to) a methodologies training in Palawan, a multi-faceted mobile educational training on the island of Panay, and a cross-sector environmental education camp on Luzon in Batangas. The teacher trainings held on Palawan and Panay allowed Mr. Holly to share his knowledge and skills in the field of writing and critical thinking skill strengthening. The training on Luzon had him working with several volunteers from various sectors, most notably the Coastal Resource sector. The collaboration resulted in a very successful environmental education camp for around 50 High School students and their adult teachers and chaperones.

Read: Excuses to hang out with other volunteers. Umm... Well... See... (Joke! This was rare. We actually worked our butts off during those trainings)

This is more accurate.

Mr. Holly’s second year of Peace Corps Service was served again at LEMNAHIS, but under Dr. Nimrod F. Bantigue the new principal. Mr. Holly co-taught four main classes full time with three main counterparts. In addition to his normal teaching load, he taught three other classes part time with two other co-teachers. Class sizes once again ranged from 20 to 65 students. He actively participated in several school functions including: In-Service Trainings, two outreach programs put on by and for the SPED (Special Education) department, at-site seminars, and various programs. Thus, he became close to many members of the teaching staff and he was well known throughout the school at large.

Once again, not my droogs (well they ARE my droogs, but not my Filipino co-teacher droogs), but this is pretty much what co-teaching looked like everyday.

When not teaching his traditional classes, Mr. Holly was developing a journal writing program and implementing it in his classrooms. He enjoyed this and depending on the co-teachers individual preferences, Mr. Holly devoted one day each week for ten minutes of journal writing. He would then collect the students’ journals and personally comment and correct all of them. This was a time consuming process; however, several students seemed to improve their English writing and comprehension through this weekly exercise. In addition, Brandon Holly’s wide range of journal topics forced them to use and thus, strengthen their critical and creative thinking skills.

THIS was my very unrealistic expectation when I started my journal project.

The actual result. (Which was fine... I just wanted them to write)

During his second year, Mr. Holly also worked in a resource capacity for a few Peace Corps sponsored events. He was selected to be a resource volunteer for a cluster of PCTs (Peace Corps Trainees) and with the help of a fellow volunteer, and Pre-Service Training staff, he helped the PCTs prepare and complete a community service project and prepare for their upcoming service as volunteers. He was also involved in the Tudlo Mindanao program (a Peace Corps and USAID partnership). Through this program he worked with a fellow volunteer on the island of Luzon and trained roughly 80 school heads and principals from Mindanao because at the moment, Peace Corps volunteers are not allowed to travel to that region.

Definitely one of my more rewarding Peace Corps experiences.

With a little spare time, Mr. Holly also published The Kwan. The Kwan is a quarterly journal for PCVs. In which, they are asked to submit stories, art, etc. to the publication and if selected their contributions will be published and sent to fellow volunteers around the country. It is a relatively small way to help PCVs stay connected to each other and to give them a peek into the work of their fellow volunteers.

No no no... not THAT Kwan.

At the completion of his Peace Corps service, Mr. Holly achieved a score of Intermediate High during his LPI (Language Proficiency Interview) in Tagalog.

Pretty much exactly how I sound when I speak Tagalog. (I'm far from fluent, but I do ok)

Soo… that’s my service in a nutshell!

Much Love,

- Brandon Holly -

p.s. – if you’re a PCV and need the legal stuff and don’t want to type it out yourself. Here it is… just change my name to your name. … Duh.

Pursuant to Section 5(f) of the Peace Corps Act 22 USC. 2504(f), as amended, any former Volunteer employed by the United States Government following his Peace Corps Volunteer Service is entitled to have any period of satisfactory Peace Corps service credited for purposes of retirement, seniority, reduction in force, leave, and other privileges based on length of Government service. Peace Corps service shall not be credited toward completion of the probationary trial period of any service requirement for career appointment.

This is to certify in accordance with Executive Order 11103 of April 10, 1963, that Mr. Brandon Holly served successfully as a Peace Corps Volunteer. His service ended on November 15, 2009. He is therefore eligible to be appointed as a career-conditional employee in the competitive civil service on a non-competitive basis. This benefit under the Executive Order entitlement extends for a period of one year, except that the employing agency may extend the period for up to three years for a former volunteer who enters military service, pursues studies at a recognized institution of higher learning or engages in other activities which in the view of the appointing authority warrants extension of the period.

Andrew Largeman once said (in reference to the idea of “home” once you’ve moved out), “You feel like you can never get it [home] back. It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist. Maybe it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I don’t know, but I miss the idea of it, you know”

Then again... I suppose he doesn't look especially trustworthy.

Even though I’m going home soon. I wonder if it will still feel like home. I remember when I was in college. I moved back home for most of my summers. It still felt like home then. But, I remember one day (or maybe it was more than one day) one of my parents (probably my dad) said something along the lines of, “It’s as if this is just a place for you to sleep(or put your things)”

At that point, home became a little less like home. No, not precisely at that point. But close. I thought to myself, “Hm… he’s got a point” My “home” was becoming a place of limbo. During college it was just a place to kind of wait around until the next semester started. After college it was just a place to wait around in until Peace Corps called. After Peace Corps… I’m not sure. I don’t know what home will mean then.

What made me think of home was a smell and sound combination that made me feel very nostalgic for a specific time in my life. The smell of popcorn blew into the internet cafe and I was listening to mixtapes from this cool website called 8tracks that allows me to listen to streaming music over here in The Philippines (Pandora doesn’t work here). And I caught some pop-punk music. The combination reminded me of standing outside of Harkin’s Movie Theater in Bricktown. Waiting for a movie to start, messing around with friends, love, fall… All of those old middle/high school feelings. I suddenly had a crush on every girl, needed to have a VERY SPECIFIC brand of jeans because those knock offs are NOT the same, wanted to but didn’t really need to shave, and felt every emotion with so much passion that at any moment I could probably cry if I tried.

Ah... back in the day when high fructose corn syrup, saturated fats, and tons of sodium didn't mean love handles

It was… nice.

Not that I’d like to relive high school.

The question is... on which side of that slushie am I?

Anyway, it just really hit me that after two years… The Philippines feels like home.

Pinoy Pride

And now, I’m going to have to make this new Americaland my home again. I’m filled with so much wonder. What’s changed. Have I changed? Will my family notice? Will my friends notice. Will they realize that I’m a man now? Will they understand that the 22yr. old boy that left is now a 25yr. old young man?

Ha, I’m sure they will. Won’t you? WON’T YOU!?!

I guess this is growing up... (www.collegehumor.com)

Haha

Much Love,

- Brandon Holly -

I Made It!

I do indeed believe that this is an accomplishment.

I remember very early on in my Peace Corps career having doubts. Would I make it the entire two years? What am I doing here? Was this a bad idea?

Get me outta here!

But then… things weren’t so different anymore. I learned how to: eat with my hands, kill cockroaches and spiders, eat food, ride jeepneys and trikes, kill and drain the blood from animals, eat meat again, drink red horse and ginebra, smile when I’m sad, smile when I’m happy, love, cry, etc.

Yes!

But, what I’ve learned to do more than anything else is…

shrink self.

Oh, I’m still selfish. I’m still self-centered.

However, I feel like I’m a lot more patient. I feel like I try harder to understand others.

Hm.

I thought I’d have more to say, but I don’t.

I’m just happy with my time. It’s ending now, but it’s supposed to.

Much Love,

- Brandon Holly -

I’m coming home soon.

Crazy…

I’m sorry.

And now, that I finally post again it’s not the silly fun posts I am known for.

I am in immense pain.

Ugh...

This pain is both physical and emotional.

My time here in The Philippines is winding down. In roughly 5 months (just 5 months??) I will no longer be able to honestly call myself a Peace Corps Volunteer.

More like, "See ya' later"

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next. I am unsure of myself. I am scared.

And on top of all of my insecurity several things happened to me all at once.

First, my wallet got stolen.

Damn.

Not a lot was in it, but getting your wallet stolen sucks. That wallet actually meant a lot to me. It represented a very special time in my life. It also contained a lot of random things that would mean nothing to any person other than me.

The funny thing is, I didn’t even get mad. The emotion I felt and quite honestly still feel is more akin to getting your feelings hurt. I’ve been here for nearly 2 years and even though a lot of people have gotten their things stolen or lost I made it almost to the end without anything like that happening to me.

I know this isn’t a fair assessment of the situation, but it kind of feels like this.

Me: Hey, Philippines/PeaceCorpsExperience I gave you two years of service. You now have two years of my life. With which I worked with you, played with you, ate with you, slept with you, and even cried with you… and THIS is how you repay me?

Unfair

Once again, I know that’s not the reality it’s just how I feel.

On top of the wallet being stolen I very recently had to deal with a personal issue and because it involves another human being that I care about immensely I will not relay it here. Just know that it was emotionally taxing and that sometimes not knowing is the hardest part.

Last but not least, I just had a terrible asthma attack last night. I went to the hospital and didn’t leave until 7 in the morning.

"Who's gonna watch you die?" - Ben Gibbard

I wasn’t near dying, but it was definitely one of the worst asthma attacks I’ve ever had.

Life is very difficult. Why must we feel so deeply? What purpose do all of these emotions serve? So many choices.

Life provides us with so many joys.

But it also provides us with so many pains.

My tears are blurring my vision. I suppose I will stop writing now.

Sorry about this short depressing post.

I’ll be ok.

Truth.

Much Love,

- Brandon Holly -

If I could afford it A LOT of my students would be getting this shirt!

I’m actually very proud of my students. It’s nice to see all of my P.U. Piles (pupils) in street clothes and out of their tired old uniforms.

This is NOT what we thought you meant by a few MINOR adjustments to your uniform.

The boys are very rowdy today, no doubt attempting to impress the pretty girls. The girls clearly took extra time getting ready today and are indeed very pretty. It’s cute seeing them walk around with extra confidence. They’re flipping their hair for no other reason than to bring attention to it and they are acting a bit more flirtatious than usual… even with Sir Brandon, who just rolls his eyes and feels obligated to respond with a smile and little wave. Judging by the squeals that follow my humble gesture, this apparently translates to, “I noticed that you wore copious amounts of make-up today. I am now interested in marrying you and having many children” in 16yr. old girl language.

.... No.

It’s a breezy sunny day and all is well in Calapan City. I wonder what life holds next for my students?

The world is yours, seniors! This is the first day of your life!

I’ll miss you.

- <3 Sir Brandon -

Apparently, (at least according to a simple google search) being a father ranks up there as one of the toughest jobs you’ll ever love also.

Yikes! Maybe the world doesn't need any more Brandon Hollys.

Also …

Yoga instructors?

Well, SOMEBODY'S gotta do it. Also, ouch.

I’m in love with this place. I like where I am at this time in my life. I honestly do. But…

I’m tired.

“If you can’t take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid” – P!ATD

*sigh*

Much Love,

- Brandon Holly -

Also, if you’re reading this and thinking of joining the Peace Corps (I know this is appearing on everyone’s PC Blogs, but oh well)… This is a remarkably poignant look into the world of a PCV.

I mean, where do they keep going?? I think my laundry lady (labandera) has been slowly swiping them. I’m down to 2 pairs now! It is ridiculous!

Maybe the underpants gnomes are expanding.

Step 1. Collect Brandon's Socks Step 2. ??? Step 3. Profit!

Also, my buddy Dan showed me this video. Made me feel good.

I DO like myself.

- Brandon Holly -